


You're making me sick, love.

by slacked



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Denial of Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Religious Guilt, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 14:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8894608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slacked/pseuds/slacked
Summary: Tyler's not sick, he's just falling in love.





	1. choir boy

Tyler was used to going to Catholic school. He had grown comfortable in wearing the same thing everyday, because it reminded him that life was simple, it was a strange sense of security.

Church was on Sundays, he'd sing hymns and pray. Basketball was on Tuesdays, he'd shower and go home. He'd wake up every morning at 7:00 am. Wait at the bus stop, take the bus to school. Eat lunch in the cafeteria, study. Get home, do homework, shoot baskets, help make dinner, go to bed before 10:30. It was clear cut, it was simple, it was routine. So moving away obviously upset him.

Now he had to wake up at 6:45 am, now basketball wasn't on Tuesdays. His parents were worried the biggest impact would've been the loss of some of his friends, but Tyler mostly kept to himself, he didn't question much- well, he tried his best not to anyways.

The last time he had, it didn't go so well. He ended up in the ER this summer after a breakdown that nobody had anticipated, not his parents, not his siblings, and especially not himself. Maybe it was the break in routine. The doctors recommended other doctors, who recommended a psychiatrist, who recommended medication. So it was back to normal, back to routine.

This new school didn't feel like routine. It felt like chaos.

In public school they didn't wear uniforms, everybody was dressed differently. Tyler didn't know how to fit in since everybody seemed to wear a different combination of things. Band logo's he'd seen on the internet were printed onto many different t-shirts. Some jeans had holes in them, and others appeared so tight Tyler didn't know how you'd feel your legs. And people had their hair dyed all sorts of different colours, that they could paint the rainbow.

Like that one boy in his science class.

Tyler walked into the room feeling disoriented and lost. He walked to the first empty seat he saw, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. It was only when he sat down, did he finally noticed the bright pink lock of hair, sat atop the head of a boy with warm dark eyes.

His hair definitely would’ve gotten him suspended from Tyler’s old school. (So would his eyes, people would get lost and fall in, there would be chaos in the hallways.) But this wasn’t Tyler’s old school, things worked different here. Boys looked different here. They wore basketball shorts, nirvana shirts, and had black stuff smudged under their eyes. They wore their hats backwards and didn’t understand that the point of wearing a belt was to keep their pants up. All this new information was making his head spin and he hadn’t even finished his first class, let alone had it started yet.

It was then that the teacher had walked in a began her whole ‘introduction speech’. It wasn’t until everyone was sitting and quiet that Tyler became painfully aware of the pink haired punk that was sitting next to him. And close too. (Well, at least close for Tyler’s standards). During their teachers speech, Tyler tried his best to keep his eyes away from the pink haired boys general direction, trying not to come off as cold, but not wanting to look at him all the same.

Their teacher ended her speech, and began to propose an ‘icebreaker’ sort of activity.

“Now partner up with your neighbour,” Tyler hesitated to face the lock of cotton candy hair. “You could say this little icebreaker could be an introduction to chemistry!” The teacher laughed at her own joke, Tyler could see a smirk in his peripheral vision, not sure if it’s from thinking her comment was funny or from how bad it was, especially seeing as how this was a biology class. 

A paper was being passed around the class, a sheet per 2 people. That’s when Tyler had to face the boy once more. As soon as he did his eyes hastily dragged back down to the sheet of paper before them. The sheet was filled with the standard “getting to know you” questions.

_What’s your name? When’s your birthday? What are your hobbies? What’s your favourite subject? What’s your favourite unit in science?_

The boy picks up the piece of paper as if they have no time to waste. He clears his throat mockingly and gives Tyler a pair of eager eyes.

“So, what’s your name?” He asks, scooting a bit closer.

“I’m Tyler”

“Josh.”

Tyler takes this as his queue to take the piece of paper. ”When’s your birthday?”

“June 18th, yours?”

“December 1st.”

“Hmm, Sagittarius.”

“What?” 

Josh slides the piece of paper back to his side of the table. “What’re your hobbies?”

“Umm, choir, I guess." Josh narrows his eyes. "It's for church. Oh, and I play basketball.”

“Cool, an athletic church boy. I play the drums. Favourite subject?”

“Not sure yet.” Tyler was fumbling at the speed of the questions.

“I guess mine’s lunch. What’s your favourite unit in science?”

“None really, science isn't really my strong suit." Josh looked to Tyler like he wanted him to continue. "What are yours?”

“Hmm, here.” He rummages through his pencil case and takes out a sharpie. “I’ll show you.”

As Josh reaches out, Tyler retracts his arm. “What’re you doing?” He questions, slightly startled.

“Is this okay?” Josh asks, laying his hand on Tyler's forearm.

He doesn’t object. Josh smiles as Tyler looks away, and draws up his arm. Tyler tries his best not to laugh as the marker places tiny specks up along the sensitive skin. Once Josh pulls away, a plethora of tiny dots and planets are revealed.

“Tah-dah!” Josh's eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiles. 

Tyler looks up his arms once more, and over again, a third time.

“Umm,” Tyler doesn't know what to say.

“Astronomy. That’s my favourite unit. But it’s not exactly one of the more ‘important’ subjects, apparently. If it was, I’d be considered an academic genius.” Tyler again, didn’t know what to say. He could ask "then why take a biology course?" but he felt it was none of his business. It was then that he realized how rare it was that he’d actually have conversations with people his own age. Sure, he’d talk to the kids in choir, he’d talk with the people on the basketball team. But that’d be about choir, and basketball. There’d be a common ground. As far as Tyler could see, Josh had no reason to be nice or patient with him. And yet, he was.

“Well now that that’s out the way,” Josh says discarding the piece of paper. “I have some questions for you of my own.” Tyler must’ve expressed some sort of a startled expression because a light laugh began to escape from Josh’s mouth. “I’ve never seen you around before, so you must be new here?”

“Oh, well yeah.” Tyler expressed shyly.

“So, I assume you used to go to some sort of catholic school, right? Or a private school?”

“Yeah, Catholic school.” Josh’s eyes were beaming. “How’d you know?”

“You’re very.. Well kept?” Josh sounded confused. “I mean, you’re a choir boy.”

“Something wrong with being a choir boy?” Tyler asked in a mocking tone.

“No, not really. You seem pretty okay for a choir boy.” 

He nudges his arm lightly. “I mean you haven’t gone off about my hair being sinful or chaotic yet.”

Tyler couldn’t help but laugh lightly. “No it’s really,” _Pretty_. “Cool.” _You’re really pretty._

The teacher brings the attention of the class back to the front of the room. She continues on with a normal ‘first day’ routine. Talking about how the next week will be, an outline of the next few units, how this ‘isn’t a class you can slack off in’ but the vibe of the room seems determined to prove otherwise. When the bell rings, Tyler can’t help but feel slightly disappointed that he didn’t get to speak with Josh more. He’s packing up his backpack when he feels a finger up against his forearm. Josh runs it down the length of his drawing and then looks up at Tyler.

“Pretty cool if I do say so myself.” He says with mock confidence, which then melts into a soft expression. He follows the crowd of people out the door to his next class.

So that’s Josh’s way of saying “See ya later.” It’s nice, if only it didn’t leave Tyler with a flushed face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a random burst of inspiration for this story and i'm really excited to continue, i hope you guys like it so far!  
> (feedback is always appreciated, thanks so much!)


	2. library

Tyler’s next few classes move by in a dull blur. He hates the first day of school. The air conditioning doesn’t work in a few classrooms, and it leaves him feeling sticky and gross among all the other sticky and gross teenagers in the hallways. When lunch comes around he goes to check the cafeteria, and it’s very crowded. People ask about each other’s summer vacations, complain about their new schedules, boast about the money they gained from summer jobs, and then there was Tyler. Awkward Tyler placed right in the middle of the crowd.

He recognizes a mop of pink hair among the crowd and tries to follow it. Once some people clear out of the way Tyler can confirm that it’s Josh, and he’s walking away. To his friends.

Of course he is, he’s been here much longer than Tyler, he has friends. It’d be weird, awkward, rude even, for him to get in the way of that.

Of course Tyler’s aware of the fact that this is illogical, but it doesn’t stop his legs from walking the opposite direction. Tyler can’t help but let his doubts get the best of him, especially considering he doesn’t even know this guy, and they aren’t even friends.

Before he can change his mind, he’s already taking his lunch to the library, hiding himself among the piles of literature, and trying to look as though he wants to be there.

At least there’s air conditioning.

-

Tyler opens the front door only to have his nose bombarded by the strong scent of meatloaf in the oven. He peaks his head into the kitchen to see the back of his Mom’s head, bent over the sink washing dishes.

“Tyler, hun, can you finish these up for me?” She asks, looking at him from over her shoulder.

Silently Tyler accepts the task and places his backpack onto the floor to take over at the sink.

“How was school?” When Tyler doesn’t give an immediate response, she continues. “Make any friends?”

“I think so.”

“Well that’s good.” Tyler assumes the conversation is over until he hears, “What’s that on your arm?” She indicates to his rolled up sleeve, revealing the scribbled planets and stars.

“Nothing.” Tyler’s instinctive reaction would be to roll it down but his hands were in the sink.

“Ahh I see what’s going on.” He doesn’t question what she means by that. Tyler’s eyes go back and forth from his mom to the sink until he settles on staring at the soapy water. To avoid any further conversation Tyler leaves to go shower as soon as he’s done.

With the hot water running against his back he looks over his forearm, eyes fixated on the tiny planets and specks of stars, it brings him comfort mixed with slight fear, mixed with an underlying anxiety. Knowing that this drawing in temporary, as temporary as the moment it was created. They weren’t friends.

In that moment, Tyler’s hand began to scrub at his arm. Becoming impatient with the slow results he digs in his nails, wanting it to wash away faster, telling himself that it’d hurt less in the long run if he got rid of it now. He doesn’t apply too much pressure, not wanting the skin to appear scratched and puffy, but enough so that it becomes faded quickly. But the problem with sharpie is it always leaves a ghost behind, a faded outline.

Dinner was filled with forks hitting glass plates and light conversation. Luckily his parents were paying more attention to Zack’s first day rather than Tyler’s. Tyler wears a long sleeved shirt to dinner, to avoid any further investigation on the now faded drawing.

-

Tyler entered the classroom with a nervousness bubbling in his chest, scared that today won’t go as smoothly as yesterday had. He takes the same seat as yesterday, keeping his eyes glued to the front of the room, even when a set of pink hair moves into his peripheral vision. Tyler makes the mistake of taking his sweater off, having Josh’s attention brought to the image of his faded drawing.

“Aww, what happened?” Josh asked, a lightness to his voice trying to cover up some genuine disappointment.

“Oh it came off in the shower.”

“Do you want me to redraw it?” Josh is already pulling out his pencil case.

With an unexpected urgency, Tyler nods his head, laying out his arm to him like a blank canvas.

Josh takes his arm with gentle calloused fingertips, and begins to draw carefully over the previous outline. Tyler tries his best to stay still, to focus on something else other than the feeling of the sharpie. His eyes moving from the drawing to Josh’s face. It’s captivating in a sense, watching him concentrate. Tyler was left confused with the feeling in his chest when Josh finally let go. Was that disappointment?

The rest of the class was filled with a boring lesson and a lot of note taking, leaving Tyler unsatisfied with the lack of communication between him and the boy next to him. Josh said goodbye before leaving to his next class.

At lunch Tyler lingered in the cafeteria for a moment, watching Josh talk with his friends. For a moment it seemed like a good idea for Tyler to go up to the group and talk to him. He could see it play out, a simple question is all he’d have to ask.

 _“Can I sit here?”_ And then they’d offer him a chair, Josh would introduce him.

Or maybe they’d laugh. Maybe they’d just ignore him for the rest of lunch. Tyler’s feet couldn’t move, until finally he made his way back to the library just as he had the day before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is always appreciated greatly!! sorry it's starting so slow


	3. introduce me

Conversation began to flow through the two boys with ease. Class with Josh was all Tyler would look forward to during the week. It being first period gave him a reason to wake up, but not much of a reason to stick around after. That’s what basketball was for. It made sense, he grew up with it, it was part of him. So once he got on the team, basketball practices helped soften the hours between Josh and no Josh. And to think, he almost didn’t take biology.

Tyler began to develop a routine again. Wake up, take the bus, go to class. See Josh, talk to Josh, laugh with Josh. Bell rings. Say goodbye to Josh. Go to next class, have lunch, go to next classes, school ends, go to basketball practice, shower, go home.

Sometimes he’d mix it up a bit and go to the cafeteria for a minute or two and try to gather enough courage to go up to josh and say hello. So far, he hadn’t gotten that far. So the routine was kept. And that’s how Tyler liked it. Until one day the bell rang and Josh didn’t say goodbye, instead he said,

“I saw you in the cafeteria the other day,”

Tyler fumbles with his backpack, trying not to appear startled.

“You did?”

“Yeah,” Josh looks like he’s trying not to smile. “In fact I’ve seen you more than once.” He takes a step closer to Tyler, who hopes he’s not visibly shaking.

“Oh,” He still can’t meet Josh’s face.

“You know, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you sit with us at lunch today?” Tyler finally lifts his face at that, being met with Josh’s squinty brown eyes and warm shy smile. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Okay,” Tyler says, hiding his smile behind his eyes. “I mean if you insist.”

“Oh I do.” Josh points a finger. “If you’re not there, there’ll be severe consequences.”

“Such as?”

“I won’t wake you up next time you fall asleep in class.”

“That happened once, one time.” Tyler tries his best to not smile, but Josh’s crinkled eyes are more contagious than they appear.

Tyler was a little late to second period but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

-

When the bell rang, his feet began to move out of habit. Down the hall towards the not yet crowded library. But he didn’t have to do that this time and it felt strange. Out of place, out of routine.

He stood in the middle of the cafeteria, staring down the table, looking for a familiar face.

“You coming?” A hand is placed on his shoulder. He looks to see a cotton candy colour.

“Josh?” There’s hesitance. Josh didn’t expect hesitance, he looks confused.

“You okay?” It sounds too genuine. He doesn’t want to make him worry.

“This isn’t, like, this isn’t a..” Tyler can’t gather the words.

That’s a lie.

The words are gathered, but he can’t dare to say it.

_It’s out of pity._

If he says it, it becomes too real.

_A pity play._

“You’re thinking too much.” The hand on his shoulder runs down to the length of his arm, a reassuring squeeze.

“Sorry,” He laughs, following close behind Josh.

He can’t help but to feel like a lost child following their parent.

Despite all the played out trials of this event in Tyler’s mind, he didn’t feel prepared. The group of people sat around the table, talking amongst themselves, not even looking up to look him in the eye. Is this good, bad? Does it even matter?

Tyler sits next to Josh, hoping to somehow blend into the background, greetings are echoed across the table. Boys with constricting tight jeans, and black smudged under there eyes sat around the table. One had hair the colour of a fire truck, others chose to flatten their dark hair down across their foreheads.

Tyler felt a sense of intimidation, and an odd level of comfort.

A moreso average looking boy with a camera on the table in front of him, handed Tyler a box of pizza.

“Lucky for you, we’re sharing today.” He says over a clumb of cheese pizza inside his cheeks. “What’s your name?”

“Tyler.” He says accepting a slice. He can’t help but feel slightly guilty knowing he has a tuna sandwich sitting at the bottom of his bag.

“I’m Mark.” He hands Tyler the box to pass around the table. “So, what’d Josh have to pull to convince you to come over?”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.” Another boy chimed in, leaning over Tyler to steal a slice from the box. He’s got square glasses and tall hair pushed away from his forehead.

“Yeah, this is my first year.” Tyler’s finally able to respond.

“Where were you at before?” Mark asks.

“Wait, wait. Don’t tell me.” The boy with the slicked back hair closes his eyes tight, clamping his hands together in a look of mock concentration. “You’re a church boy?” He opens his eyes, raising an eyebrow as he looks from Tyler to Josh.

Josh is losing it, hugging his stomach as he laughs.

“What’s with the church boy thing?” Tyler asks, feeling exasperated.

“People give off vibes, plus you’re all nicely dressed in your dress shirt,”

“It’s not a dress shirt.” Tyler defends under his breath.

“Josh how’d you manage to get a- wait sorry that’s rude, what’s your name?”

“Tyler.”

“How’d you manage to steal a nice fellow like Tyler here, into our sinful clutches.”

Tyler feels nauseous.

“Shut up Brendon, don’t try and scare him.” Josh’s hand goes up to Tyler’s shoulder in an attempt to ease his tension. “Don’t want him running off.” Tyler could never run off, even if he wanted to.

Tyler’s skin is crawling, he wants to lean into Josh’s hand but there are too many eyes.

“By the way Josh, are you coming to GSA?” Brendon asks, now taking a proper seat at the table. “Tyler here is more than welcome to come, obviously.” Brendon’s laughing as if some kind of joke was just exchanged between the group.

Josh shifts in his seat, taking a look at Tyler.

“What’s GSA?” Tyler asks, his heart racing.

“Oh boy.” Mark says under his breath.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” Josh doesn’t explain.

“What’m I not getting?”

“If you don’t like it, we can leave early, okay?” Josh attempts, in a comforting tone. “It’s just a place we hang out after school on Fridays.”

It feels like a bold face lie, why’s everybody looking so amused with Tyler? Maybe sitting here was a bad idea. Maybe Josh was a bad idea. He should leave, run away, decline the offer. He wants to vomit. But he can't stop the words from coming out.

“Okay, I’ll come.”

The smile on Josh's face makes him feel it's worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i'm awful at updating, hope this is okay, comments are great so if you wanna leave feedback it'd mean a lot


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